Well Jerry, you’ve done it again. And not just in bringing to light Jessica Alba’s groundbreaking work, most of which was conducted in between takes on Fantastic Four 2: the search for a spin-off. No, what you have proposed is much bigger than Miss Alba’s theories into time and space. Using the fool-proof Hollywood studio method of nurturing creativity and ingenuity and applying it to the science community? Brilliant! I was such a fan of this idea that after reading your blog I quickly jumped in my car, made sure my precious dogs were strapped in, remembered I had forgotten my BlackBerry, hurried to my office only stopping off at the gym, the coffee shop on Montana Avenue, a few boutiques, a breakfast meeting at Urth Café, back to the gym to see if my BlackBerry was there (it wasn’t), then to my office. There was no time to spare; I was inspired and my work was about to begin. As soon as I could find my blackberry that is!
The timing could not have been better. See, I was planning on going out with a pitch. To those in the science community, “going out with a pitch” is basically the equivalent of giving birth to a beautiful baby, then having a series of doctors inspect it, only to be told how hideous the child is until finally one lone nurse says how beautiful she thinks the baby is, leading to every doctor changing their minds, claiming the baby is beautiful and bidding on the rights to the baby. That was my goal this week, to sell my baby to the highest bidder. But after I read your blog, I thought, why not sell my baby to scientists. Scientists who could—on their own without any sheep mentality—appreciate my baby for how beautiful it really is. I told my office we were going to sell a baby to a scientist and find my BlackBerry. Today was shaping up quite nicely.
I informed my office to bump Fox, bump Universal, bump Warner, Sony, Paramount, Disney, DreamWorks, etc., and instead line up meetings at MIT, Johns Hopkins, and Berkeley. Surprisingly enough, none of these universities were in my contacts. The first obstacle had been reached. Luckily, there was the Science & Entertainment Exchange to come to the rescue. They were able to set up pitch meetings with the heads of these prestigious universities, who all just happened to be in Los Angeles that day, right away without any problems. This was extremely helpful, because I had my office spending their efforts searching for my BlackBerry. Without The Exchange, everything might have fallen apart!
The pitch was set and I walked into that room full of confidence. The scientists who awaited me were the best and the brightest, and therefore the perfect audience to pitch my movie. As I launched into the idea, I could see their eyes fill with the possibilities. We could go after Brad or Leo for the role of Chase Manly, the space fighter pilot who may be Earth’s last hope. For the headstrong physicist, we could approach Cate, Kate, or any other A-List actress nominated for multiple Oscars whose name is short for Katharine. Or Catherine. Or Quatherine. What a space fighter pilot and a physicist have to do with the rom-com set in Santa Fe that I pitched them, I don’t know, but something great was hatched in this meeting. Whether it was science improving entertainment or entertainment enhancing science, we’ll never know. Either way, with just a few minor rewrites, we were looking at a huge box office, with critical acclaim and awards all but guaranteed.
I waited with bated breath as the heads of the science community discussed. Finally, an offer was made! There were a few change: the aliens wouldn’t speak French slang, but instead an actual made up language, time travel had to be presented in a realistic way (more Back to the Future than Austin Powers), and the use of cloning could not just be thrown in as a twist in the end. Also, they suggested adding in a robotic duck because it’s proven to increase box office take by $5 million domestic, their words. I agreed and a baby was sold!
I’m currently out on set, shoot day 158 on this movie. Slightly over budget and over schedule but the dailies look amazing and Quatherine’s performance is mesmerizing. And the best part is the entire project is scientifically accurate. See, The Exchange works! Now if I could just find my BlackBerry…